


Go Home Huang Renjun, You're Drunk

by acrazyworldofdreams



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Coming Out, Fear, Friends to Lovers, Insecurity, Jenozine, M/M, Noren, squint worthy nahyuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 02:51:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20463824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acrazyworldofdreams/pseuds/acrazyworldofdreams
Summary: Prompt 013: Jeno has never been to parties and neither has his best friend Renjun. Their friends had somewhat convinced them to attend one where Renjun got drunk. After 2 weeks, a video of them circulated all through-out the school, where a drunk Renjun was making out with Jeno. The thing is, Jeno was sober opposite to Renjun's belief that the incident happen because they were both under the influence of alcohol.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My dearest prompter - I do hope you enjoy this, as much I enjoyed getting to know these characters :D

Renjun wakes with a headache and it’s the size of an Egyptian pyramid. The room is flooded with a blinding light that’s emanating through a massive gap between his half-drawn curtains.

“For fuck’s sake”, he hisses.

Although he is mildly impressed with himself and that he managed to get them that far across, considering how drunk he was mere hours ago. Lifting his head slightly he experiences a feeling he’s never encountered before. One which makes him want to pass out and throw up at the same time. It’s horrible.

What the hell was in that cocktail Jaemin gave him? Or perhaps it was the shots Donghyuck made him drink? Either way, he feels like death. Closing his eyes to try and stop the nausea reaching his throat, Renjun drops his head back onto his pillow. It’s safer there, he thinks.

After a few more minutes, he determines the nausea has subsided enough to attempt to rise once more. Like a zombie rising from the dead, he makes it to the upright position with some difficulties. Looks like he didn’t get much sleep. In an attempt to wake himself up further, he rubs his face on his pyjama sleeve to wipe away the residual goo that’s built up in the corners of his eyes.

Gross.

Distracted he looks down, and sees a shirt he doesn’t remember buying, and it’s a rather alarming discovery, as he’s old enough now to buy all his own clothes. Then he notices the bedsheets and sees a shade of emerald green that feels familiar but isn’t.

In his hungover state, he’s struggling to connect the dots and a small amount of panic arises in his chest. He tries not to freak out over the fact he was so drunk last night that he’s gone home with a stranger but it’s not easy, even for the usually unflappable Huang Renjun.

Reluctant to lose his shit externally, he takes a breath, grits his teeth, and internally screams. If anybody was a mind reader right now, they’d probably have a hell of a headache. Then brave as ever, he steels himself to suss out the situation further.

Methodically he scans the room and sees a fairly impersonalised room. Soft furnishings are strewn across the floor next to the bed, which he figures probably once lived on the very bed he’s inhabiting. Next he spots a white, wooden dresser to the side of the room, featuring a decorative Chinese bowl on the top. It looks expensive, but who really knows these days.

An old-fashioned wooden chair takes up the corner space, and he notes it is now dressed in his favourite black denim jacket. He wonders if he threw last night, as the arms are hanging off the sides. With no real clues revealing themselves so far, Renjun scans further around the room. He sees the remaining parts from his outfit of choice last night in a pile by the door. The neat pile suggests care, and there’s no way Renjun would have been of sound enough mind to fold. Someone took time for him.

But who?

His eyes glance at the pictures on the wall and the whole scenario clicks into place. There sat on the wall, encased in a pretty wooden gold frame, is a picture of a boy he’s known his whole life and one he trusts more than anything.

His best friend, Lee Jeno.

Ahhh!

The lightbulb moment pings.

Dumbass.

This must be one of Jeno’s parent’s guestrooms in their new home. Well, the Lee’s moved over a year ago, but as the two of them spend more time out with friends, or at Renjun’s, it feels like a new home to him. Even to the point that Renjun is yet to see every room in Jeno’s new home. Hence, the unfamiliarity with this spare rom.

The room he knows best is Jeno’s and that’s on the top floor. A pretty unique attic space, Jeno’s parent’s converted for him as a reward for achieving the honour roll for the first two years of high school. Of course, Jeno’s still on the honour roll. Last year he got a car, so who knows what he’ll get this year.

Renjun feels his whole body relax with the knowledge that Jeno took care of him last night. Really Jeno has always taken care of him. But it’s all a bit confusing because from what Renjun remembers of Jeno last night, he was well on the way to being as drunk as Renjun. In fact, they’d pretty much matched each other drink for drink, but then again, after those rounds of beer pong things get hazy in Renjun’s memory and how early was that?

God, his headache soars back into existence at the thought of the alcohol he consumed at his first party. Sometimes Donghyuck is too convincing for his own good.

Sweeping his arm across the bed, Renjun attempts to locate his phone, but of course it’s not in its usual place because Renjun’s not in his usual place. Properly looking as he wants to know where Jeno has got to, Renjun spies his phone on the ornate bedside table, plugged in with the light flashing.

He grabs it thinking that it’s most likely to be the group chat, but as Renjun unlocks his phone, he realises there’s a whole host of Instagram notif’s which is a bit unusual for his accounts. It’s not that he’s unpopular by any means, but Renjun isn’t 50 notif’s over one night popular. Curiosity peaked, he taps on the app, which opens to an auto-playing video of himself and Jeno dancing on the makeshift dancefloor from last night at Taeyong’s house, where the party had been held. The whole place had been huge, meaning that with a few changes to the main room a whole space had opened up just for dancing to a deep beat the DJ aka Lucas Wong had been playing, which evidently the pair had taken full advantage of.

In the video they’re dancing close, which is new but not alarming to Renjun. The two of them are known to be one part of a pair. Best friends since primary school, where a sad faced Jeno had prompted an angry faced Renjun into beating up some boys for bullying Jeno, and the rest is as they say has been history.

The video finishes with the version of himself in the video looking directly into the video version of Jeno eyes. Renjun thinks for a second that Jeno says something weird, as a smile creeps across his video face but he can’t tell for sure and then the video cuts off.

The comments below, and the messages in his inbox range from love hearts, to kissy faces to straight out accusations, mostly from Donghyuck but really, it’s nothing.

Nothing, he repeats to himself.

Jeno and Renjun are friends. The Best of Friends. Something he would never jeopardize. Whatever that was, was due to it being their first party experience, a whole lot of alcohol and a fun atmosphere.

Though Jeno’s expression does linger in his mind, making Renjun want to look just once more. It won’t hurt, he reasons but as he goes to press play, the room’s door bursts open and a smiling Jeno walks in. Renjun can’t help but smile back, feeling the usual warm feeling fill up his chest. The one he always gets when his best friend is in the near vicinity and showering his attention upon him.

Jeno steps towards the bed, but at the last second hesitates unsure of himself for some reason, it alarms Renjun. Jeno is never nervous around him. That’s not their thing. He doesn’t like it, so counteracts the weird change in dynamic by pulling Jeno’s arm and body down into their usual cuddle pile.

So many of their evenings end up with one of them snoring on the other. Mostly following evenings of homework or extracurricular activities. Renjun’s mom sometimes complained that the two of them are attached at the hip.

It feels normal, and safe.

After a minute or two of just being, Jeno pulls back and the two face each other lying on their sides. Mostly because Renjun doesn’t think he can stay sitting up for much longer. Damn, he’s never drinking again.

“You ok?” the brighter boy asks. Renjun thinks about it. Considering everything. The fact he’s safe and survived his first party with not much drama. He feels okay.

“Head hurts like a bitch, but I’m ok. You,” he says. Jeno’s eyes drop away from the eye contact they’ve been having. Something is off. Renjun doesn’t know if he wants to push this though. Balance has always been so important between them. Anything that might tip the scales could send them scattering in opposite directions and this is the eventuality Renjun wishes to avoid at all costs.

“How much do you remember of last night?” Jeno finally asks.

Images race through Renjun’s mind. Flashes of touching bodies, of liquid splashing, of laughter bubbling up, of feeling euphoric, but it all kind of blurs into nothingness, and all Renjun has been left with a feeling of being whole. He tells Jeno as much, who smiles but also frowns.

“Right, okay.” It sounds clipped. Renjun pouts. “What?” he asks annoyed. He hates Jeno being annoyed at him, especially for something he doesn’t remember.

“It doesn’t matter,” Jeno says, but it doesn’t ring true in Renjun’s ears.

“Well it clearly does Jeno. Spill.” There’s a silence between them, and he can see the gears turning in Jeno’s head, albeit slowly, until he decides what he wants to admit. It’s not going to be the whole truth, but it’ll be enough.

“Did you see the video of us?” Jeno tentatively asks. Renjun nods, encouraging Jeno to continue. There must be more to this than a video of them dancing a bit provocatively. “Yeah I did. So what? We drank, danced a bit together and came home to yours.” He gestures to the room around them. It really isn’t the biggest of deals

Realisation seems to dawn across Jeno’s face, and he gets Renjun to repeat the specifics of his response. “We just danced?”

“Yeah?”

Relief, some disappointment, then a smile appears and Renjun has his Jeno back. “Okay. Cool just wanted to make sure you didn’t feel weird about it.” Renjun scoffs in response. “As if I would? You’re my best friend Jeno. I like that all my firsts are with you.”

The room seems to take a deep breath at his words, but he doesn’t let the moment become anything other than a friend expressing their deep connection with the other. The room relaxes.

“Jeno, you’re gonna have to feed me, I’m fucking starving,” Renjun pouts, rubbing his belly. It feels empty, and he wonders if last night involved some kind of expulsion of the contents of his intestines. Perhaps. Most definitely.

“Oh yeah, that’s what mom sent me up for. Lunch is ready, if you’re hungry?” Jeno guffaws. He’s always been a bit forgetful.

“Brill, let’s eat.”

After full bellies, more naps and some gaming, Renjun finally gathers his shit together and prepares to leave. Now dressed in Jeno’s clothes, which drown him but in a cute way Jeno claims, he heads home to see his family, with whom he spends the rest of his weekend.

Renjun’s phone doesn’t stop pinging all weekend. He ignores it. People will always gossip about anything and he doesn’t want to be any part of it.

He must protect their relationship at all costs.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s a Friday, two weeks later, when he’s walking through the English corridor that Renjun realises life has finally returned to normal.

Well somewhat normal.

Unfortunately the video itself has become a little infamous in their school, but in general Renjun can continue living his life in relative peace. The few moments which break that peace tend to involve the girls of his school. For instance now, as he goes to enter his classroom the one with the bright blue door, he hears giggles behind him. Mostly though, new gossip has replaced their scandal, if you could even call it that.

Though as a consequence of the video their names, more specifically Renjun’s, have become names most lips of their school have spoken. Resulting in more people recognising him as he moves from class to class.

It’s not surprising really. The girls in their school are a crowd of gossip hungry people and having a drama involving two boys, one being very hot i.e. Jeno, dancing in a provocative way is bound to set their little hearts aflame. Cooing over them in an awkward way for them, but it’s not quite fetishization. They never ask them to do anything or bother them really, but when they do get hold of something, they take it and run with it.

Entering the classroom, he spots Jeno in their usual seats.

The weekend the video came out, Renjun had panicked about their friendship changing. But nothing had thankfully and as he sits himself down on the stool beside his bestie, he receives the usual smile, and once again reaffirms that nothing has changed at all.

His heart deflates a little.

Renjun’s always thought how their school population treated his sexuality as a bit weird. Of course, it’s much better than the alternative. Being gay at their school isn’t a bully worthy topic, instead the boys who do come out as gay are almost protected by the girls that love them so. It’s not a perfect world though, and occasionally a bully will rear its ugly head, but Renjun’s seen what those girls can to do those who harm the people they adore. It’s the weirdest gang type of situation. Kinda amusing.

The lesson begins. Their teacher, Mr Seo, is the dorkiest, but coolest teacher. His fascination with the English language borders on strange to Renjun, but it make Mr Seo happy, and in every other way Mr Seo is cool. He treats his students with respect. Always encouraging them to put in as much effort as they can across their studies. He’s never been Renjun’s homeroom teacher sadly, but at least he’s taking his English class in his final year.

Today’s class is all about the structure of the Haiku. Mr Seo is explaining that it’s a traditional form of Japanese poetry, consisting of 3 lines with the first and last lines featuring 5 syllables and the middle line 7 syllables. It sounds difficult but then he tells them the lines rarely rhyme, which somehow makes it seem a bit easier to accomplish. As usual Mr Seo wants them to give it a try as homework.

Shit, Renjun is no good at this kind of stuff, unlike Jeno who never seems to have a problem in English class. He glances over to see Jeno scribbling ideas away already.

The thing about Renjun in terms of his sexuality is he isn’t out yet.

Even Jeno doesn’t know, well not officially, and it often feels just a bit too much for Renjun’s brain to cope with. Every time he tries to say something, he feels his throat close up and the words he’s dying to spill from his heart disappear.

Renjun just doesn’t know how to voice it out loud.

The pressure to reveal his truth has building in his chest for months. Ever since Jeno came out four months ago. In the movies, it would have been the prefect moment to say me too, but Renjun didn’t want to take the spotlight off Jeno. He wanted Jeno’s story to be his, and to support him through it all.

A good move on his part, considering how Jeno’s parents hadn’t been so understanding in the beginning, which resulted in many late-night discussions between the two about whether Jeno had been right to come out when he did. About ways Jeno could bring his parents around to it, and how much it fucking sucked to be out, and unaccepted.

Renjun looks at Jeno now. His best friend has, like previously stated, always been handsome. Many girls, and boys, have crushed on his best friend. Renjun thinks it’s the eyes. Jeno has this upside-down moon eyes thing going on when he smiles, and your heart would have to be made of stone not to notice (or fall).

“What do you think of this?” Jeno asks, reciting what he’s written so far and it’s good. Renjun wants to tell him how good, but he’s still feeling a little weird around Jeno. He doesn’t want to be, but now the school’s more aware of him, they’ve been paying attention. Meaning it’s even harder to keep his secret’s secret.

“It’s good” he replies simply.

Jeno scoffs at him. His usual smiley face turning into a small frown. “Is that all?” he pouts.

Renjun throws his rubber at the pouting boy. He dislikes aeygo on people, but so much more on Jeno, whose usually not one for being cute. Him being silly with Renjun like this is a bit worrying. Is he picking up on Renjun’s doubts? It wouldn’t be much of a surprise. Their friendship has been through a lot and they know each other so well.

Considering the pen in his hand, Renjun wonders whether the words he wants to say out loud could flow out through his pen instead? Like Jeno seems to be able to, but he’s never really tried to write before because compared to Jeno, he’s got no writing skills at all.

It’s worth a shot though, isn’t it?

To try and relieve some of these feelings without burdening anyone.

Mr Seo announces to the class they have a week to work on their Haiku before reading aloud to the class. Extra points for participation. Renjun grades love extra points.

*

With class over, Renjun’s thoughts remain chaotic. Jeno’s talking about something inane, and he really does try to listen but the pressure to say something stays on his chest. Crushing him.

He desperately wants to tell Jeno, he hates having a wall between them, yet it still feels like an unsurmountable height he can’t scale. Though if they can survive a scandalous video, and still be friends, maybe they can survive the revealing of Renjun’s heart. After school though.

They head out into the courtyard, it’s the 15-minute morning break, and as normal Jeno wants fresh air. Renjun agrees, classrooms can be so stuffy. Their bench of choice is always the peeling blue wooden bench in the courtyard corner. It’s discreet, hidden away but not completely. Half covered by vines and a large bush of some kind.

Renjun scans the courtyard. Not many students have made it out yet. Most likely they won’t, due to the short length of this break. The emptiness makes him smile.

Sitting snug on the small bench, he feels Jeno’s strong leg press up against his. Strong from all the training he does. Powerful legs run further, as his coach always shouts at them.

This time in the courtyard has become a little tradition over their high school years. A space and time just for the two of them, because during the longer break and the lunch period they usually spent it with their wider friend group. The same friends who convinced them to attend their first party two weeks ago. Renjun still can’t believe he let them convince him the party would be fine, that they’d all stay together and only have a few drinks. Renjun blames Jaemin the most but it’s so hard to say no to that face.

“What’s on your mind, Injunnie?” Jeno asks, putting away his phone to break their intimate silence.

Renjun bitterly but truthfully replies, “The party our so-called friends forced us to attend”.

“Oh”, Jeno says with a smirk, “You didn’t seem that unhappy to be there. In fact, I seem to remember you telling me it was the best night of your life.” Renjun is shocked. He doesn’t remember saying that at all.

“God, how drunk was I?” he responds, putting his head into hands. Could it get worse?

“Well, let’s just say many people were surprised to see this new side to Huang Renjun,” Jeno teases lightly but there’s something beneath his words that Renjun doesn’t understand.

What did Renjun do that was so different? More snarky than usual perhaps? Maybe he bust out some new moves. He knows people saw him dance with a boy, nothing more. It’s frustrating and he wants to question Jeno more, but before he can, the bell rings signalling the end of the mini break.

He sighs, picking up both his bag and heart, hugs his best friend and sets off to his classes without him. They always suck the most, but at least, Renjun has Donghyuck and Jaemin to entertain him. Watching the pair bicker has always been one of Renjun’s favourite pastime, and it’s especially fun to watch now Renjun knows how much Donghyuck actually likes the one he claims to detest so much.

He waves goodbye to Jeno from across the deserted courtyard, promising as always to save a seat for him at lunch. Some things will never change, he prays.


	3. Chapter 3

The moment it hits is like any other moment for Renjun.

As always, he’s working hard in class. They’re working on some advance algebra, which requires all his concentration, but the rest of class doesn’t seem as bothered by it.

In fact, there is level of noise in the maths classroom he’s never heard before. He tries to zone it out, but after five minutes it becomes impossible. Jaemin’s absent from class today, so Renjun’s sat alone. Usually he would be the one to find out what everyone is gossiping about but Renjun’s guesses he will have to summon up the strength to speak to someone.

Why is it so hard? He wishes people would be less gossipy.

Turning around his seat to the closest person to him, to ask what the big hoo-hah is, he suddenly realises the whole class has gone silently as his movement.

Wide eyed he scans the room and notes the phone in everyone’s hand. He gulps, and his Spidey sense tingles or whatever the fuck it is, informing him something terrible has happened involving him. Just as he’s about to demand an explanation from the boy unsuspecting boy behind, a friend of Jaemin’s he belatedly realises, the teacher returns. The one whose been absent most of the class.

There’s a sudden motion of phones being squirreled away, but the stares remain. Some distasteful, others of awe, mostly the gossips girls of school.

Shit.

Jeno.

This much have something to do with Jeno.

…and Renjun, somehow?

He turns back to his work but hears a whisper as he does. “Renjun, check your twitter now.” It’s Jaemin’s friend. Renjun doesn’t acknowledge his words, but does pull his phone out, and put his hand up.

“Miss, may I go to the bathroom?” he asks quietly, hoping others won’t hear, but unfortunately the teacher doesn’t get his silent plea and responds loudly.

“Of course Renjun, don’t be too long.”

The walk out of the classroom, from his seat in the center aisle, is one of the longest of his life and he doesn’t even know what he’s running from. He takes it calmly but avoids looking at anyone.

Renjun won’t let them intimate him any more than they already have.

The bathroom is empty when he enters, but he grabs a stall anyway. The bathrooms aren’t in the best state but are clean enough for him to pull the seat down and perch on it. He grabs his phone, dread filling his stomach.

First, he sees a missed call from Jeno, which is odd. He never rings Renjun, but then he sees how many twitter notifications he has, and it feels like 3 weeks ago all over again. Clicking on the bird is almost like Deja-vu but not, it’s a different app. The video, however, seems more familiar, like it’s from the same party but it’s not clear. Has the vid resurfaced for some reason? Isn’t this old news by now? Renjun doesn’t notice the time stamp, and clicks play.

It is a video of that party, but it’s from much later on from what Renjun can tell. There are much less people there, in fact, only a few are still hitting up the dancefloor. His friends are nowhere to be seen, but then the video pans across the room, and almost freezes on a scene in the corner, where two boys are sat on the corner sofa. One of top of the others lap. It’s almost impossible to identify them.

But wow, does it looks like they’re eating each other’s faces off. The cameraperson moves to the left a bit, and it seems the pair break to breath in amidst their passionate kissing. The one on top pulls back and that’s when he realises who the pair is.

It’s him, and Jeno. Making out drunk in the corner of their first ever party.

And now the world knows.

Everyone now knows Renjun has been pretending to be something he’s not. His secret has been ripped out from under him. He has nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. It’s not fair.

But what’s worse, is Jeno now knows too.

He kissed his best friend. Someone he has feelings for, but they were drunk. Did Renjun take advantage of a drunk Jeno? It’s all just a big mistake and Renjun doesn’t know how to feel.

In the most cliché turn of events, he wants to be gone from school, but unlike the movies, he values his grades. Renjun will allow himself the chance to run away, but he will do it with dignity, like his mother raised him.

But he is human, and this is too much to handle. He needs that same mom. Like now.

Renjun’s phone rings once more. It’s Jeno again, but he can’t, won’t speak to him. It’s too awkward. He needs to tame his emotions, before he can apologise and salvage what he can of their friendship. He wonders how he’s keeping it together so much, but in truth he’s always been good at compartmentalising.

The shit will hit the fan later, he’s sure of it.

Entering the classroom, the sounds are completely absent. Unlike before with the chattering and the giggling, it is now deathly silent and Renjun knows it’s for him. He approaches the teacher, and quietly explains that he’s just thrown up and needs to go home. She, of course, excuses him immediately. Renjun is a good student and has never missed class once, it goes to show being a good boy works in your favour, when your life is about to fall apart.

He packs up his bag, refusing to make eye contact with anyone, and calmly heads out of the classroom. His phone has long since been turned off. Thankfully he sees no one, and leaves campus quickly. The pressure behind his eyes building all the while.

*

His mother finds him late that afternoon. Renjun is laying star fished on the bed, covers thrown to the side, contemplating the universe. He’s of course watched the video again. On the second watch, he’d been obsessed with watching the two of them intertwined in the corner, oblivious to the world around them.

It’s hard to see what’s going on, but nobody could deny the two of them seem to be enjoying themselves, a lot.

On the second, third watches, he starts to study the surrounding area. Was anybody near them? Anyone watching? It’s impossible to say, but it seems they went mostly unnoticed. Which explains why no-one knew about this before the second video leaked. His twitter feed has over 200 notifications, but he hasn’t looked at them. Doesn’t want to. Afraid to.

“Injunnie dear, is something wrong?” his mother asks.

It’s a weighted question. She already knows Renjun isn’t ok, but she’s never been one for forcing anyone to reveal their secrets before they’re ready. A blessing, and a curse simultaneously. It means she’s the only person, besides Jeno, he can most easily spill his secrets to, but it also means that she never pushes him that little step he requires to reveal the deepest parts of his soul.

Is this why the universe decided to force him? Because no-one else was fulfilling that role in his real life.

The words are hard to find but not impossible, “A video came out today”, he begins, she nods encouraging him to continue. “One of me and Jeno….kissing,” he rushes the final word out, closing his eyes. Fearing the worst.

“Wow”, his mom whispers, “you finally did it?”

Shock once more hits Renjun’s brain and moves his body into an upright sitting position. He stares at his mother, unsure whether to believe his ears regarding what he thinks his mother just said.

“What?” he stutters out, “I finally did, what?”

His mother notices his shock, and purses her lips, wary of the situation now due to Renjun’s evident shock.

“Kissed Jeno?” she asks softly in a questioning tone. He still doesn’t know what she means, but he thinks she should know the full story, if the whole truth is about to come out.

“We were both drunk, mom. It doesn’t mean anything. In fact, I think I may have just ruined my friendship with him forever.” He turns his body away, and faceplants his head into his Peach cushion, a gift from Jeno.

“Oh baby, I don’t think that’s the case,” his mother runs her hand softly through his hair. It’s comforting, which is the only reason he allows her to do so. “Things will turn out alright in the end, I promise.”

Hope blooms in his chest.

“You promise?” he whispers. She nods and then apologises as she has to head out tonight, but dinner will be ready shortly, she informs him.

Renjun reassures her that he will survive this. Finally she leaves to finish preparing dinner. They haven’t spoken about the elephant in the room, but maybe they don’t have to? The conversation he really dreads in with Jeno, because at some point Jeno will surely come over, and they’ll have to have the talk.

Damn Jeno and his facing problems head on mindset. What’s wrong with living in denial for a little while?

At least he can have tonight before he must face the wolf.


	4. Chapter 4

When Renjun hears the knocking at the door he assumes his mother has left her keys behind again.

Leaving the cup he was about to fill on the side, he grumbles about her inability to remember them. He keeps telling her to attach them to her bus pass, but she doesn’t seem to listen to him. He swings open the front door with gusto and begins his affectionate moaning without really looking but is then caught off guard to catch sight a distraught looking Jeno.

“Injunnie, why are you picking up my calls?” he asks distressed. Renjun doesn’t have an answer for that that will suffice. He could admit many things to the boy in front of him. Could tell him that he remembers nothing of that night? That he’s embarrassed. Renjun could switch it up and tell him that he’s disgusted by what he saw in the video. That would be a lie of course, because underneath all his own worries, there’s a lick of desire that has been ignited.

Finally, he could admit that he was afraid. Terrified, in fact, of the boy in front of him, who held the power to break his heart with snap of his fingers, and that he wasn’t ready to show the world what lay beneath his scared. His grip on the door tightens.

Yes that’s it. Renjun is so fucking terrified of everything right now that he hid from the world, including his own best friend.

“I…I….was afraid,” he finally answers, tears welling up in his eyes now that he has to truly face what he’s done and what’s happened to them because of his actions. The floor has never looked interested, the cracks between the floor tiles dirty from many feet passing over them.

“Oh Injunnie, you’re not alone in this. I’m right here.”

Jeno moves towards him but stops a step short. It’s a clear invitation by Jeno for Renjun to move at his own pace. His best friend has always known what he needed, maybe more so than Renjun.

Forgetting the repercussions of any such action, Renjun only considers what he needs right now, and that is Jeno. So he steps into Jeno’s arms. The feeling is of coming home on a cold, blustery day and stepping into a warm home with the fireplace burning bright and warm cocoa on the counter.

The pressure that’s been building all day releases. 

“Jeno, I’m so sorry,” he sobs. “Sorry I didn’t tell you about me. Sorry I got so drunk, and I’m sorry I kissed you. I’m such a mess, and an idiot.” Tears soak Jeno’s shirt but neither seem to want to do anything about it. Instead Jeno just lets Renjun get it out.

Sobs turns into hiccups, and finally he calms down enough to pull away to be greeted only by kindness, which is what Jeno is made of. Besides smiles and stardust.

“Shall we go to your room?” Jeno suggests. Renjun agrees. His room has always been their other special space, but then as they pass by the kitchen, he pulls Jeno in and completes the tea making activities he dropped to answer the door. He grabs a second cup for Jeno, a blue space mug, Renjun’s favourite.

They carefully head up to Renjun’s room. The last thing they need is a trip to the emergency room due to third degree burns. His bedroom is nothing like Jeno’s cool attic space, but it works for Renjun. Desk and easel by the window, where the best light is. The bed is next to them tucked into the opposing corner. His mirror, chest of drawers and maps of space, run along the same wall as the door. It’s cosy and it’s Renjun’s space.

Collapsing on the bed, Jeno pulls Renjun into his chest. He lets the younger boy do so. The familiarity of it sinking into his soul and comforting him. A world for just the two of them, created in a bubble, where no harm can come to them.

“Injunnie, you don’t need to be sorry you know” Jeno starts, understanding as ever. “You didn’t do anything bad.”

That is wrong. Renjun crossed a line. Yes, he was drunk but kissing Jeno like that, unable to keep his feelings to himself. It’s not necessarily the kiss, which is the worst part. It’s that he wants to kiss Jeno all the time. Wants Jeno all to himself but first he must confess his secrets, and then beg for forgiveness.

“It was Jeno, but first I have to tell you something.”

Jeno hums a non-committable response. Renjun grips the wrinkled bedsheets, gathering them in his hands as some kind of grounding exercise. It works a little.

“I’m…I’m gay, Jeno” the burdensome words finally leave his mouth, and he feels lighter. Renjun is gay. He knows this and accepts this. Maybe it was time the world did too. “Oh Injunnie, thank you for telling me.”

Jeno’s smile is as wide as the moon, and as bright as the sun. Renjun inhales more air, it’s only part of the truth.

“Okay, so onto the next bit. I know you say I don’t have to be sorry Jeno, but I am. We were both drunk, yes I know, but I kissed you, and that’s not fair to you.”

Takes another breath, unsure whether he can really do this, but Jeno’s looking at him with a half exasperated and half curious look.

It’s time.

Time to get it out of his chest. To feel free. He looks everywhere in his room, but finally comes back to the grey eyes he knows so well and trusts. Jeno isn’t going anywhere, he trusts in that. Their friendship. It’s stronger than a crush, stronger than a silly viral video. It has to be.

“I like you, Jeno.”

Silence ensues. Renjun starts to take back some of his seconds earlier confidence. Jeno’s looking at him weirdly. This is new territory for them, and he doesn’t know what it means.

He panics and starts to backpaddle. “Okay, so we can ignore. I just...”

Jeno cuts him off with a hand over his mouth, a pout on his face. “Let a guy process?” he offers. Renjun shuts up and waits for the boy he loves to deal. He deserves the time to voice his truth, whether it’s take, make or break Renjun’s heart.

“So….I feel I must confess first, before anything else.” Jeno begins slowly, rubbing his left thumb into his right palm, as he always does when he’s embarrassed. Renjun is on alert. “I wasn’t as drunk as you at that party, well by the end of it I wasn’t. I stopped drinking just after midnight, when I realised how drunk you were at that point.”

The implications of Jeno’s statement are huge. He wasn’t as drunk. Stopped at 12. Meaning he wasn’t the drunk equation in their kissing game.

“Oh” is all he can say, unable to decide how he feels about the situation.

Jeno continues quickly, “but that doesn’t mean I was completely sober by then, and to be honest I thought you were the same. I quickly realised the next day, when you said you couldn’t remember anything, and I felt so bad.”

Renjun nods as he listens, taking in Jeno’s explanation. Picking it apart. There’s a whole in this story, a gaping hole Renjun cannot ignore. However much he wants to, “Why didn’t you say anything to me about it?”

Jeno’s eyes widen and his teeth pull back his lower lip, the lip goes white under the pressure. The tension grows, and Renjun finds himself unconsciously leaning in. Somehow knowing he must hear every last words of this, whether it’s good or bad news.

“Because I was embarrassed and worried. I thought I’d finally kissed the boy of my dreams, only to find out he didn’t remember. I panicked it would change our friendship. You’ve always meant the world to me Injunnie, and I thought we were finally on the same page, and then I…I lost you again. It hurt, and I was weak. I’m so sorry. I had no idea there was a video of us out there, but I can promise it has nothing to do with me. I would never have told anyone.”

The hand which has grabbed Renjun’s own squeezes tighter. It’s his turn to process now. How does he feel about this? That Jeno remembered what happened between them and didn’t say anything.

The betrayal sinks deep. Slicing into his already fragile heart.

He pulls his hands from Jeno’s, needing more time to process than perhaps Jeno did. Did Jeno just say boy of his dreams? What the hell. Pain aside, he needs to have the whole truth.

“Do you like me Jeno?” he asks with little emotion in his voice, trying to not worry Jeno, he’s still his best friend, but it doesn’t work. They know each other too well.

“Injunnie, please believe me. I never meant to hurt you. I...was just afraid. I’m pathetic but you need to know how much I like you. That’s why I did it. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

Renjun wonders what he would’ve done in the same situation.

Would he have had the courage to admit to the boy he loved that they’d kissed after the other forgot all about it? Possibly not, but it doesn’t wash away the pain of what Jeno has done and how vulnerable Jeno has left him in front of the whole school and the other people in his life. The repercussions of his actions go further than between them in their safe bubble.

It was a bomb waiting to go off, and the timing struck 00:00.


	5. Chapter 5

Renjun wonders if a week has ever lasted as long as this one.

A week without Jeno by his side has been hell. In response to Jeno’s confession and betrayal, Renjun had asked for space and it had been granted. Jeno knowing Renjun would never ask for something so severe without really needing it.

Though it’s felt like a punishment for the both of them. Renjun being so used to Jeno’s welcoming smile first thing each day as he entered school, and his comforting reassurances when thing weren’t going right for Renjun.

What’s been worse is the fracture in their friend group, temporary of course, but Jaemin had been keeping Jeno company at lunch and Donghyuck with Renjun. They’re together now too, as it’s Renjun’s turn to use the lunch table. The one their whole friend group usually occupied each lunch period but has been unspokenly split between the pairs.

This world is weird.

A world where Jeno doesn’t share his daily KitKat with Renjun. A world where Renjun’s heart wails silently at the loss of the person he holds most dear, but pride is powerful, and the pain of lies and deceit is only just fading.

A week is no time at all, but also feels forever, especially when missing half of your soul. 

Glancing over to the canteen line, Renjun catches a glimpse of the boy he now know he loves more than anything. Even from behind, Renjun knows it’s Jeno whose wearing his sports kit. Most likely he’s just come from practice, Renjun reasons, knowing the other’s schedule like the back of his hand.

Probably ravenous and aiming to fill his belly with a mountain of unhealthy items. Renjun tuts under his breath. Donghyuck swings his head in the direction of Renjun’s eyeline and smothers a laugh.

“Hey lover boy, how long are you gonna keep up the pretence that you’re still angry with him?” Donghyuck asks smugly.

Another tut, this time aimed at the golden-haired boy in front of him but then he sighs, because Donghyuck’s right. This can’t last forever. Renjun isn’t strong willed enough to make it so, and truthfully, he just misses. He misses Jeno with every part of his soul. Jeno may not be his only reason for getting up each day, but he is one of the biggest.

When Renjun had returned to school the following day after the video had broken out, there had been not a whisper of it. No giggles, no gossip and very few stares at all. It’d been like the twilight zone. 

Lost in thought, Donghyuck picks at Renjun’s almost uneaten tray. Though his eye continues to catch on the spot which would usually contain his half of a shared KitKat. Maybe it’s time for a thaw? Jeno said when he asked for some time that it would be up to Renjun to let him back in when he was ready. but one last thing remains unanswered.

“Donghyuck, what happened to the video? Why is no-one talking about it?” he questions the food thief, who pauses with full chopsticks halfway to his mouth.

“oh, you don’t know?” the answer comes mysterious and yet annoying at the same time. Donghyuck’s speciality. How on earth Jaemin finds him appealing is beyond Renjun.

“Of course bloody not, why would I ask if I knew?” Renjun fumes slightly, trying to reach for the boy opposite who avoid his grip.

“Kay, kay, it was your boy Jeno’s doing. The day the video he came out, he challenged the gossip girls to discover who released the video, and also to stop the spread of it, by appealing to their protective nature. Said you weren’t ready to face the pack and needed their protection. They of course, swooned and got to work. By the end of the day, not one copy of the video existed on a twitter account in the school, the culprit had been named and spoken to and no-one was saying a word about it. Why do you think it took him so long to come find you?”

Renjun’s heart lights up a little with a stronger spark of forgiveness, a flame which he can fan over time, but he needed to feel it before he could move forward. Whatever was to happen between him and Jeno, it needed to be pure and healthy.

Hurt, betrayal and lies were not what Renjun wanted to build a new relationship on.

Lifting his eyes again to the queue, he notices Jeno has reached the till and is handing his card over. Jaemin is whispering something and Jeno’s ears are turning red. Their flirty friend has always known how to fluster Jeno, never Renjun though.

Jeno always worn his heart on his sleeve.

Stuck admiring his best friend is a new light, Renjun isn’t quick enough to turn away before Jeno turns and catches his eye. He looks hesitant and unsure, Renjun hates it. So he does what he knows well.

Renjun smiles widely at his best friend.

The look on Jeno’s face is priceless, and Renjun will keep it in his mind for the rest of his life, hung of their walls like the frames in Jeno’s mother’s spare room. A picture full of warmth, happiness, and a person Renjun loves. Knowing it’s now or never, he raises his hand and beckons the pair over. Time to end the lukewarm warm, because really it never was anything more than Renjun needing to get his thoughts together.

Jeno is the one he wants and will always want. He’s the person who picks Renjun up drunk at his first party. The person who takes him home, undresses him and puts him to bed in the spare room. Forever protecting his dignity, and welfare. He’s the boy who plugs in Renjun’s phone, folds his clothes and listens to his every worry. The boy who takes on the whole school just to protect the ones he loves from undue embarrassment.

The boy who lets him find himself at his own pace.

Renjun watches as Jeno and Jaemin approach the table, still a little hesitant. Renjun takes pity on him and decides it’s time to reveal his secrets.

“You’re late Jeno, so I hope somewhere in that pile are my missing KitKat pieces, because our relationship will entirely rely on you feeding me one each day. Got it?” Renjun practically sings songs and Jeno beams, rushing to put down his tray next to Renjun’s to grab a whole pile of KitKats and drop them all onto Renjun’s.

“I’ll never not want to give you my KitKat Renjun”.

Lunch resumes its normal easy chatter, but now Renjun is cuddled close to Jeno, their hands entwined with a smile on Renjun’s face, which he thinks might never fall away.


	6. Epilogue

Renjun finally gets an A in English class, with no help from Jeno at all. Well not directly.

_Heavenly evening_

_before bright caring Jeno_

_enjoying the love_


End file.
